Already got asked if we're dating
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
