i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she peed on how many people?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
