im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
