I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
