do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
