i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
