another moral hangover. fuck.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
