2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
