So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
