I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
