lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
