is your mom at the bar?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
