that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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