I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
