based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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