WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
