I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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