I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
