I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
