I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
