I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
