So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
