bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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