Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
