i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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