the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
