It's like God shit irony all over that family
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
