oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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