So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
birth control should be required to get into college
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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