So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
