I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
