I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
