In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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