the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
