Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
