Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
