My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I checked into jail on foursquare
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
