i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
