About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
