I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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