Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
