Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He kissed a someone with a penis
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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