Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
