the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
