what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
