Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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