Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
