i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
