He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
