it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
