So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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