My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
