how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
