the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
